


Anomie

by OonaKwon



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Phone Sex, Sex Work, and jiyong helps him come to terms with it, denying that he's gay, im so bad at this tagging thing on ao3, jiyong is a phone sex operator, seunghyun is a lawyer, seunghyun spends his whole life, truth or dare is involved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-11 14:05:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7055629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OonaKwon/pseuds/OonaKwon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just suppose to be a dare. Not a big deal. Call the number, talk to the guy, laugh. What Seunghyun didn't expect was for one conversation with a phone-sex operator to change his entire life.<br/>--------<br/>ANOMIE [aka ANOMY]</p><p>[noun]</p><p>lack of conformance to social norms; social instability caused by erosion of standards and values; individual alienation and purposeless due to a lack of moral and social standards, values, or ideals; the breakdown of social bonds between an individual and their community ties, with fragmentation of social identity and rejection of self-regulatory values.</p><p>The word comes from Greek ανομία, namely the prefix a- "without”, and nomos “law”. The Greeks distinguished between nomos (νόμος, “law”), and arché (αρχή, “starting rule, axiom, principle”).</p><p>--------<br/>just a quick forewarning that this fic will have a lot of stuff dealing with sexuality and coming out in it. I'll warn before each chapter as it goes and try to update the tags</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Transgression

"Truth or Dare?"

Seunghyun sat on the ratty old couch in Daesung's basement. The room swirled around him and he figured that meant he probably should have stopped drinking about two shots ago.

"Dare."

Oh shit, was that his voice? Oh shit. He was thirty years old, what was he doing play truth or dare in somebody's basement on a Thursday night? Oh shit.

His friends jeered in response. Seungho launched himself over the back of the couch. He clattered up the stairs. They could hear him rustling around in a room above him and Seungri frowned.

"Hyung! Stay out of my room!"

A drunken cackle was his only response and moments later he slithered back down the stairs, a glossy copy of _Busty Beauties_ raised triumphantly above his head.

Seungri squeaked indignantly, " _Hey_! That's mine!"

"Relax, Half-Pint. I'm just borrowing it for the dare," Seungho slurred, "You can have your girlfriends back when it's over."

He flopped back down on the couch next to Seunghyun, flipping to the back of the magazine where all the ads lived.

"Dare. Call this number and talk for at least five minutes."

Seunghyun took the magazine reluctantly, who knows where in Seungri's room Seungho found it. He peered blearily at the tiny square, trying to read the number that seemed to literally swim before his eyes. It was one of those phone sex hotlines, $3.99 a minute. Seungho took his phone from him, chuckling, and dialed the number for him.

"You suck." Seunghyun grumbled, moving to take the phone back, but Seungho tutted at him. Instead he turned it on speaker phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of them.

Everyone held their breath as a woman's breathy voice filled the room,

"Hey, Baby! First time calling? Press one if you're my big, strong man. Press two if you're more woman than I can handle."

They all groaned at the cheesy recorded dialogue. Sighing, Seunghyun leaned forward an pressed one.

"Hey, Daddy! Thanks for calling!" Daesung cringed, laughing and Seunghyun personally felt like gagging. "Ready to have a good time? Press three to meet our selection of sexy ladies, just for you. Press four to meet the boy of your dreams!"

Seunghyun twitched, he didn't know these things catered to... that.

"Four!" Daesung roared, diving at the phone and pressing the number before Seunghyun could even think about trying to stop him.

Panic welled up in his throat, and he fought to keep it off his face. He knew Daesung was just messing around. He _knew_... but it still scared him. Still made him wonder why. He forced out a laugh, hoping it sounded passably genuine.

The voice switched over to a male's voice. "From here you can choose from our selection of highly trained young men who are just _dying_ to talk to you. Press the star key at any time to leave a conversation and start a new one. Simply hang up when you're ready to leave. Our available male operators tonight are: Press One for Alex, Press Two for David, Press Three for Pieter, Press Four for Demarcus, Press Five for Jonathan, Press Six for Kyle, Press Seven for Andy, Press Eight for GD..."

"Eight, eight. He's the only one who's name isn't as boring as sin." Seungho drawled around the filter of the cigarette he'd lit.

Seunghyun pressed eight.

The opening strains of a Pink Floyd song played for a few moments before a soft voice answered,

"Hello?" The voice was pitched higher than Seunghyun was use to, but still decidedly masculine. It put him in mind of black coffee and red wine and smoky wood fires in the middle of winter. "Is anyone there?" Seunghyun thought he could hear a smile, if such a thing was actually possible.

Daesung waved his hands at him 'Talk!' he mouthed, pointing at the phone. Seungho pointed at his watch with a grin, 'Five minutes' he mouthed.

"Uh, yeah. I'm here." He cleared his throat, nervous. "Sorry. This is my first time doing something like..this."

"Hey, that's alright. Everyone has to call a first time." The man on the other end of the line giggled and Seunghyun felt like dying. He felt his panic clawing back up his throat as he fought to keep a blush out of his cheeks. The last thing he needed was to get all flustered like this in front of his friends. "Can you tell me your name, sweetie? You don't have to tell me your real name. Just something I can call you while we talk."

"Uh..Mark."

The man let out a quiet laugh. "Alright, Mark. I'm GD. That's not my real name, but it's easier for people to say than my real name so it's what I use. I'm twenty-five years old, Korean-American. 5'7". I have a very slender frame, but I'm athletic. Is there anything else you want to know?"

"Oh, uhm, no. That's okay I-, uh, I'm Korean-American, too." He blurted out.

"What a small world." The man, GD, huffed out another laugh and Seunghyun felt a cold sweat break out on his brow. His laugh was _gorgeous_. This was so awkward, so dangerous. He glanced at Seungho to see how much time had passed, but his asshole of a friend smirked and held up four finger. Only a minute had passed, damn it.

"Yeah. Small world. Haha. Uh-" How did he suck so bad at flirting? How was he bad at flirting even with someone who was _paid_ to flirt with him? It might help if he didn't have an audience, all of his friends were making faces at him, urging him along. The conversation was boring them.

GD beat them to the punch, though. "So, sweetie, are we just gonna talk all night or what? I mean, I'm fine with that, I love to talk, but I'm sure there's a _reason_ you called." His voice fell an octave or so as he spoke, a tone obviously meant to seduce.

"Oh, uh. I- I don't really know how to start. Uh, wait-"

Seungri was waving his hands around, trying to get Seunghyun's attention. He glared at him and the younger man grinned back, holding up a steno pad he'd managed to find laying arounf with words scrawled neatly across it.

Seunghyun read what was written there outloud,

"Uhm, what are you wearing?"

'Really' he mouthed at Seungri who just grinned again and shrugged.

GD chuckled, "T-shirt and sweats. Normally, I'd be in less by this time of night, but you're my first caller since I had a late start. Lucky you.. I could take them off for you, if you like?.."

Seunghyun did blush this time, all the way to the tips of his ears. Seungho couldn't help it and barked out a harsh laugh.

"Is someone else there with you, Mark?" GD's voice suddenly had an edge to it that made Seunghyun's heart clench in his chest.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm at a party and we were playing truth or dare.."

Seungri was waving his arms at him frantically, mouthing 'no' and shaking his head furiously, but it was too late.

"Let me guess, I was the dare?"

"Uh.."

"I see." The man's tone was definitely colder now, he could feel it like ice water running through his veins. "So, Mark. Let me ask you something. Are you actually attracted to men? Or did you chose to call a man just for a laugh?"

Seunghyun sputtered, eyes darting around his circle of friends, "I- uh, I-"

His friends couldn't take it anymore and they erupted into a chorus of raucous laughter.

Even through all the noise, he swore he could hear GD's sad, disappointed sigh.

"Goodbye, Mark."

The line went dead and Seungho pointed at his watch. "Four minutes and forty-five seconds, hyung. You failed." He passed him a shot glass, "Drink up."

"Dude, you should have seen your face when he asked you if you were gay, hyung." Seungri snickered. "I don't know anyone who goes through girls like you. You? Gay? Yeah, right."

Seunghyun laughed, the sound brittle and alien to his own ears but no one else seemed to notice. He tossed back the shot and grimaced.

Yeah.

Right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me on tumblr [hoseokie-jung ❤︎](http://hoseokie-jung.tumblr.com/)


	2. Wrongdoing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobic language in this chapter.

In the morning, Seunghyun found that most of the events from the night before dangled just out of his reach. There was one detail, however, that he recalled with a razor sharp clarity. A certain disastrous prank call and the fed-up sigh of a young man before the line went dead.

In whatever way, it seemed that he was the only one who thought it was disastrous. The others didn't even bring it up, except for the one instance after he drug himself out of Daesung's guest room when Seungri handed him a cup of coffee and called him 'Mark' in a simpering voice he assumed was suppose to be an imitation of GD.

After he'd forced said cup of coffee into his system, he'd piled into the car with Seungho who chain smoked and swore at traffic all the way to Seunghyun's apartment where he booted him out onto the sidewalk and then affectionately flipped him off in the rearview mirror as he drove away.

Seunghyun cupped his hands around his mouth and called after him, "See you later, fuckface!" before unlocking his building's door and tromping up all seven flights of stairs.

He had about an hour to get himself ready for work and out the door to catch his train.

Seunghyun held down a steady nine to five job as an office workhorse at a big law firm uptown. Oh, what wonderful things a college education and four years of law school could do for you...

He rifled through his closet, setting out his usual dark suit and crisp white shirt combo with a plain solid colored tie and his favorite shiny oxfords. His mini-rebellion came in the form of a pair of vibrant turquoise socks with a lilac pinstripe pattern.

He stepped into the shower to rinse off the smell of stale cigarette smoke and tequila, made a quick pass at the stubble on his chin, and then stepped out.

Towel around his waist he slapped on some aftershave and ran a handful of product through his hair before applying his favorite cologne. He pulled on his slacks, tucking in his shirt before he fastened his belt. His tie found it's home around his neck and his suit jacket settled on his shoulders.

He did a quick check; phone in his pocket, watch on his wrist, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Seunghyun slid his socked feet into his shoes and left his bedroom. He snagged his briefcase off the coffee table, locking the door behind him on his way out.

He took a standing place on the subway, briefcase held securely against his chest as he swayed subconsciously with the motion of the train.

Exiting the station, he was greeted with the same view every day. That of his company's high rise. Windows glinting in the morning light, a throng of similarly dressed people moving up and down the sidewalks, filtering into their respective workplaces to start their mornings at their all too similar jobs.

He logged into the computer at his desk in his tiny cubicle, accessing the system and clocking in just three minutes past his usual arrival time. He fitted his earpiece into his ear and synced it with his phone. His 'In' tray was already brimming with files for him to read through; part of a six person system of checks and balances within the company meant to examine all contracts for typos, wording errors, or legal loopholes. He pulled the first document towards him and began to read.

And so went the rest of his day.

He hardly thought about GD at all.

The tiny pangs of shame Seunghyun felt in his gut when he thought about how sweet the younger man had been until he realized he was part of some idiotic party prank was only natural. He'd made a fool of another human being, after all. It was only natural that he'd feel guilty.

But really, what did he have to be ashamed of? The guy worked at a _sex line._ That wasn't necessarily the most respectable job in the universe. Men probably called and treated him like crap all the time. He just had to laugh that gorgeous laugh and pretend like he liked it.

Seunghyun's stomach did a nauseous sort of flip at the thought.

_I bet none of those guys ever called and pretended to be nice to him at first, though..._

His stomach full on dropped.

At lunch, he sat at one of the tables on their rooftop terrace where he and the other smokers took their breaks, puffing on his third cigarette in less than an hour, trying to convince himself the sandwich he purchased from the lunch cart was in any way actually edible. It was suppose to be tuna, but it was most definitely chicken. Chicken salad with cranberries in it. Seunghyun hated cranberries. They were like grapes' angrier, much more bitter, cousins. Why would someone put cranberries in chicken salad when they could just as easily use grapes?

He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and grimaced as he took another bite of the offensive sandwich.

Maybe part of the reason he was so hung up on this GD thing was how blunt the other man had been.

It wasn't like _he_ was the one who 'pressed four to meet the boy of his dreams'. It was Daesung.

But GD didn't know that.

Maybe part of it was the fact that GD was kind of wrong. Him and his hurt, accusatory tone. Angry at being made the butt of a straight man's joke.

Because Seunghyun _was_ attracted to men. Absolutely, he was.

The thing was, he'd just never really done anything _about_ it.

The first time he'd found himself attracted to another male had been his freshman year of high school and it had terrified him. So much so that he'd cut himself off from the friend and accepted the first offer of a date he got from a girl.

And so began his cycle of crushes on boys and dates with girls. He told himself that it was only natural, that all his close friends were boys. Of course his brain got confused, developing feelings for his guy friends because they were the only one who hung around.

It was just a matter of finding the right girl and falling in love. Then he'd forget all about his silly, immature crushes.

His junior year of college was the first time he actually fell in love, but it was with a man.

Seunghyun sucked at Chemistry. So much so that he put it off as long as he could, but it had been a general education requirement and he couldn't put it off anymore, so he'd enrolled in the class and found himself a tutor.

Dongwook had been super smart and hilarious. He'd been engaging, an amazing conversationalist. He laughed about them having the same surname and called them the Choi Brothers, but his hands would linger just a bit too long on Seunghyun's shoulders to be platonic.

Seunghyun had been infatuated with him, head over heels in love, but Dongwook had seemed inclined to let Seunghyun make the first move and that was never going to happen. Seunghyun had no idea where to even begin asking another man out.

So he'd just wallowed in Dongwook's affections and tried not to be too heartbroken when the older boy moved on to someone who actually seemed interested in dating him.

So, was Seunghyun attracted to men?

Yeah.

Was he ever going to _do_ anything about it?

Probably not.

In fact, he had a date with a woman his mother had set him up with that very night at seven.

He'd take her out to a nice dinner and kiss her goodnight and he'd continue to take her out and kiss her goodnight until either he couldn't stand her anymore or she got bored with him. He figured eventually one of them would stick out to him on an intellectual or emotional level or something and then he'd get married and start a family.

If he wanted to make it anywhere in the world, that's what he'd have to do. People expected things of him. They expected that wife and kids and a house in the suburbs. Clients looked at you funny if they couldn't bitch at you about their wife.

There would be no making junior partner in his future if he was gay.

\-------

His date's name was Dara Park and she was gorgeous.

She worked as a company lawyer for a big accounting firm and her mother played cards at the community center with his mother on Wednesdays.

She had long, honey brown hair and big eyes and a pixie like smile. Dinner was filled with lots of wine, laughing, and lawyer talk.

He could see his mother's vision of his future with her in his head.

They'd be the perfect lawyer power couple; that is if Seunghyun ever got off the bottom rung of the corporate ladder and became something more deserving of the 'lawyer' title his law degree granted him. They'd get married and buy a house and get themselves a good nest egg saved up and then Dara would take some time off work to have their first child and focus on being a good Korean wife and mother.

He could see it in his head, but he didn't feel it in his heart.

He held her hand as he walked her to her door, left her with a chaste kiss.

He told her he'd call her tomorrow and he knew he would.

Why wouldn't he?

He took a taxi home and got ready for bed.

He slipped beneath his covers and found himself absentmindedly scrolling through his email and Twitter, brain refusing to shut down.

In the dark of his bedroom his thoughts once again drifted to GD and that embarrassing phone call. It wasn't his fault Daesung pressed four. Daesung didn't know he was... whatever he was. His friend had been drunk and looking for a laugh. It wasn't like he could just _tell_ his friends that he thought he could maybe possibly be... gay or whatever.

It wasn't that he thought they'd hate him or something. They were just those kind of guys. The kind of guys who called things they thought were lame 'gay' and called each other 'faggots' when they were playing video games and got uncomfortable when suddenly confronted by musical theater.

So he couldn't just tell them he was gay.

Or whatever.

Still, he felt the need to apologize to GD, as irrational as that sounded, and before he knew it he was in his call log, redialing the number from last night.

"Hey, Daddy." The pre-recorded voice greeted him, "Welcome back."

It occurred to him suddenly that he had no idea how to find GD again. There had to be hundreds of men and women who worked for this particular company. He could call back a dozen times and GD's name could never come up as an option. He-

"Press One to access your call history and chat with you favorite special friends. Press Two to access the main menu."

Oh.

Seunghyun quickly pressed one and selected the only name on his list.

"This special friend is currently otherwise occupied. Press One if you would like to wait for them to become available."

Seunghyun pressed one again and the voice informed him he could hang up and the system would ring his back when his 'special friend' was ready.

Seunghyun ended the call, sitting on his bed staring down at his phone. He wondered what GD was doing right now. If the guy he was talking to was treating him well...what they were talking about...

He quickly hopped out of bed, heading for his kitchen in search of a glass of water and also maybe he was completely avoiding that particular train of thought.

Twenty minutes later, he was in the middle of making a move against Seungri on Words with Friends, when his phone rang from a blocked number.

He answered it quickly,

"Hello?"

"Hey, this is GD. Did you call for me?" His voice was the same auditory representation that Seunghyun remembered through the drunken haze of the night before and he was momentarily struck dumb. "Hello?"

"Uh, hi. It's Mark.."

"Mark? I don't think I have any regulars called Mark..." GD said, he sounded a bit confused. How embarrassing, he didn't even remember him.

"Uhm, last night? I was at a party and I called you on a dare?."

"Oh. You." GD's voice lost it's sultry air and Seunghyun's gulped. "Listen, buddy, I didn't block your number last night because I figured it was a one time thing, but I will if you keep calling me. This is my job and I don't appreciate being harassed while I'm trying to do it."

Seunghyun heard a rustled like he was about to hang up and he managed to choke out a panicked,

"Wait!"

He heard a huff and then a sigh before GD was back,

"What?"

"I actually called to apologize. I know that's probably silly, but I didn't mean to embarrass you or make you feel like we were making fun of you or anything. I, uhm, about what you said? Last night? I _am_ attracted to men, I'm just... I'm not... no one knows. It was really unfortunate that my friend thought it would be funny to call a guy..It was... really uncomfortable for me, too."

Why he was telling him all this, Seunghyun would never know. Maybe it was the anonymity, the thought that he was talking to another person who might understand where he was coming from, even if it was just a little bit...

GD was quiet for a moment before he breathed out,

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you out in front of your friends. That was awful of me. I should have known better."

Now GD was the one apologizing. Seunghyun scrambled to reassure him,

"Nah, you had no idea. I was just some jerk prank calling you. How were you suppose to know you were talking to some kind of closeted freak?" He was surprised by the bitterness he heard in his own voice.

Again, GD was quiet for a moment before he spoke, "Baby, I've got a regular that calls me around this time every Friday night. He talks for an hour at least and that's a good chunk of my rent, so I can't miss him. But you can call me tomorrow, okay? My Saturday evenings are actually pretty slow. People would rather go out and meet a real person, you know?" GD laughed, "But you can call me, okay? We can talk."

Seunghyun nodded, "Okay, yeah. I'll call you. That sounds.. that sounds really nice."

"Good." There was that smile in his voice again, "and, Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not a freak, okay?"

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me on tumblr [hoseokie-jung ❤︎](http://hoseokie-jung.tumblr.com/)


	3. Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short, I know, but I wanted to get something up before I left for kcon. :)

“Mr. Winstead is to be our top priority for the next month. His trial is coming up soon and we’re severely lacking in his defense. I need double the eyes on all his contracts looking for any and every loophole we can use to prove he didn’t scam those people. Mark, can we count on you for that? Can you put a reliable team together?”

 

Seunghyun looked up from his coffee, 

 

“Of course, Mr. Addison. I’ll make sure the right people are on the job.”

 

“Good man, Choi. You’re my guy.”

 

Their morning meeting ended and Seunghyun retreated back to his tiny cubicle, coffee in hand. He didn’t know why he gave GD his ‘professional’ name. It was just that Mark was safe. Mark was comfortable. Mark was just a normal guy.

 

And Seunghyun was not.

 

When his family immigrated to New York he was only eight years old and long before they ever left Korean soil, his parents told him, “When we get to America, you’re Mark. American’s can’t say Seunghyun. If you want to get ahead in life, give them a name they can say.”

 

So he’d become Mark. 

 

Mark Choi.

 

He was Mark as a child in elementary school, Mark as an awkward chubby pre-teen in middle school, he was Mark as an equally awkward but newly slim teenager in high school. He was Mark Choi as a wide-eyed college freshman and as a first year Law student and now he was Mark Choi at work.

 

Sometimes he felt like he was two different people.

 

Mark and Seunghyun.

 

Mark was the lawyer. The man who went out on dates with women he wasn’t interested in and planned a future that he didn’t necessarily want but thought he probably needed. Mark was the man he was in the board room and when he went out with his co-workers or at work functions when he needed to socialize with clients.

 

Seunghyun was the guy who was just trying to be a good son to his parents. The guy he was when he went out with his friends and tried his best to live up to society's skewed ideas of what counted as ‘normal’.

  
  


He’d told GD to call him Mark, but it wasn’t Mark who was talking to him; It was Seunghyun.

 

Mark was excited about being put in charge of a task force of this size. It was a high profile case, the man had scammed thousands of people out of millions of dollars. It was all over the news. If they won this case with evidence his team found, it would fast track his career. 

 

Seunghyun hated the thought of defending a man who cheated little old ladies in the Village out of their life savings. 

 

There was a difference between Seunghyun and Mark.

 

He spent the morning going over the performance reviews for people he thought would best suit the task force. He picked out a good ten individuals, firing off emails inviting them to take part in the case. 

 

At five minutes after five he clocked out. He’d promised Seungri he’d meet him for a drink. 

 

At six o’clock he was seated at their favorite bar with a glass of red wine while Seungri nursed one of those imported beers he was so fond of.

 

“I sold a place in TriBeCa today. My biggest sale of the year. The commission is going to be huge. I probably wouldn’t have to make another sale for the rest of the quarter and I’d still make more at the end of the year than I did last year.

 

“Good for you, Ri. You think the new blonde ‘do helped?” Seunghyun teased, reaching out to ruffle the younger man’s platinum hair.

 

“Tease all you want, I know it did. I sold the place to some artsy middle aged white couple. Nothing like an agent with an edgy style to convince them to buy.”

 

“Whatever you say, kid.”

 

Seungri pulled a face. “Don’t call me kid.”

 

“Then don’t look like such a kid.”

 

“You’re just jealous.” Seungri flipped his head back dramatically, his fringe flopping pathetically against his forehead. “You should try it sometime. I bet you’d look crazy good as a blonde.”

 

Seunghyun entertained the thought of himself with silvery blonde hair for a full five seconds before he laughed, shaking his head.

 

He took a sip of his wine.

 

“Can’t make junior partner with blonde hair, Seungri-yah”

 

\-------

 

“Hello?”

 

“It’s Mark.”

 

“Hey, sweetie. I was beginning to think you weren’t going to call.”

 

“I went out with a friend.”

 

“Oh really, where’d you go?”

 

“There’s this bar over near 42nd street-” Seunghyun paused, realizing for the first time that he had no idea where GD lived. “Uh, I mean- I live in New York City over in Sunnyside, uh, in Queens. I work in Manhattan… I’m not sure where you live?”

 

That was terrible.

 

GD just laughed, “That’s not important, honey. So you went to a bar, what then?”

 

“Uh, I stopped and picked up some carry-out. I came home and then… I called you..” Seunghyun felt a flush creeping up the back of his neck. GD giggled, his voice taking on that silky, seductive tone; but there was a teasing edge to it. 

 

“What kind of take-out did you get?”

 

God, if he could make take-out sound dirty Seunghyun could only imagine what it would be like if he actually called him for, you know, his _ job _ .

 

“Greek.”

 

“That sounds great, I could really go for some shrimp saganaki right about now.”

 

Seunghyun made a noncommittal noise, “I got some lamb pastitsio and some skordalia..” He cleared his throat, he could already feel the tendrils of self-consciousness creeping in and he scrambled to fill a silence that wasn’t even there yet. “So.. is this your only job or do you do… something…?”

 

“Something more socially acceptable?” GD asked, but there was no bite to it. 

“I was going to say normal.”

 

“I am normal. If you saw me on the street you wouldn’t see a giant neon sign above my head that read ‘sex worker’. You wouldn’t be able to tell me from the average person walking around in the supermarket.” 

 

“I highly doubt that. All you’d have to do is say one word and I’d know you anywhere.”

 

“You think so, huh?” GD asked, fondness apparent in his words.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You’re not much of a conversationalist, are you, Mark?” He asked, imitating his gruff ‘yeah’, a grunt several octaves lower than his own in an attempt to mimic Seunghyun.

 

“Sorry.” Seunghyun muttered, his flush creeping into his cheeks.

 

“Baby, you don’t have to be sorry. Trust me, I get all kinds. I get guys who want me to act out whole scenes with very specific details and I get guys who just want to sit there and listen to me jerk off while they never say a word.”

 

“ _ Jesus _ .” Seunghyun coughed, standing up abruptly from his couch.

 

Water, he needed a glass of water.

 

“Didn’t mean to scare you there, big boy. Just trying to let you know that conversational skills aren’t a prerequisite or anything.” 

 

Seunghyun took a drink of his water and the silence he’d feared minutes ago finally slipped into the cyberspace between them. 

 

“Listen, about what you said last night..” GD said suddenly, “You’re not a freak. I know I said that before but I really want you to know… you’re fine. Lots of men call me who are married with a family and a fancy office job. It’s hard to admit to yourself who you are when the entire world is telling you who you should be or that who you are is wrong. I just… I just wanted you to know. That it’s not wrong. That I know it can be terrifying but you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like that. You shouldn’t let them make you afraid to be yourself.”

 

Seunghyun set his glass down on the counter a bit harder than he intended.    
He felt the burn of tears behind his eyes and swore at himself. Was this what his life was now? Hiding behind the skirts of the women his mother shoved his direction, getting worldly advice from sex workers? 

 

He grunted by way of response and quickly changed the subject.

 

“You never did tell me whether you had a ‘socially acceptable’ job or not..”

 

“I’m a dancer. I work in musicals, in the chorus usually.”

 

Seunghyun chuckled, “Of  _ course _ you do. Any shows I might’ve seen?”

 

“No way, baby. That would be telling.”

 

Seunghyun laughed again, “Well.. I should probably go. I’ve gotta run errands for my mother tomorrow.”

 

“Ah, so cute. A good filial son.” GD cooed, voice warm, “Well, good night, Mark.”

 

“...GD?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Call me Seunghyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me on tumblr [hoseokie-jung ❤︎](http://hoseokie-jung.tumblr.com/)


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